I hate to lose. It really gets to me. Especially when you lose to the same team twice by one run. The toughest team in our league who holds an undefeated record. It hurts. I'm too competitive. I start going over the "should ofs" in my mind. We "should of" done this...I "should of" done that. My wife said she wished there was something she could do. She knew something was wrong when I came in the house all quiet. But, I told her just to leave me alone for awhile, so I could get over it. It's not happening. Here I am writing about it. I just need to vent.
Why am I so competitive? Is that the way God originally intended for His people to be? I'm not sure Adam was very competitive. Who was he going to compete with? Eve? I guess he could, but probably not and sleep in the same garden. I don't think that Adam originally had the need or desire to compete. He and Eve originally were in complete harmony with each other, nature, and God. Much changed when they crossed the boundary God had set. Chaos began internally and eventually passed on to the first two human offspring. Cain kills Abel. Why? Was he jealous? Competitive? Maybe.
I'm trying to make this competitiveness I feel fit into my Christianity. Was Christ competitive? I know He was zealous. Does that count?
I'm learning that being competitive isn't necessarily wrong for me as a Christ-follower. But, if I allow that competitiveness to cross the boundary it can become sin for me. I can be competitive for a game as long as I still love people. I can be competitive as long as it doesn't turn into bitterness or revenge-seeking when I lose. It still hurts to lose, but it would hurt even more to lose my integrity and reputation to others around me. Lord, help me.
Duane
